Men. They are manly and valiant. They ride horses, drink pints of beer and you will never see them wear pink. Ever.

 

You would think this to be true if you were to walk down the men’s grooming aisle in any supermarket (that being said, if any of the above applies to you, no judgement here whatsoever).

 

Upon inspection, you will realise that men’s products, such as moisturiser haven’t got ‘namby-pamby’ names. A gentleman applying dove moisturiser? Fuck no. Bulldog will do the job, because bulldogs were made by men, and connote strength and robustness. Doves are delicate and fly about like little fairies. Not like us men.

 

Then there’s Mancave, Below the Belt, Man Stuff and a very long list of names that are used in order to boost a man’s ego. It’s as if the little tins of moisture are shouting ‘Oi lads, want a bigger cock? Come slather me on your torso and the ladies will be gagging for it!’

 

Maybe not. My boyfriend doesn’t care what the branding is like, as long as his ankles (on his bad days, I imagine they feel like rhino’s skin) remain silky smooth as a baby’s bottom, he couldn’t give two tosses. He uses my strawberry Body Shop body butter because he loves the fucking the smell of it.

 

What I do believe is it is great there’s now more acceptance for male grooming. Since 2007, according to Mintel, the men’s grooming market has risen by £96 million. It’s not fair that women should have all the fun with all these fancy soaps and hair sprays. If this is what it takes for men to feel more accepted in the world of pampering, then so be it. However, to the men that use Soap and Glory, Olay and all the other so-called ‘women’s’ beauty products, keep doing you.

 

If you’re not too sure where to start with beauty and grooming, here is a list of reputable brands that can get you on your' feet.