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Periods made easy(er)

Periods are far from glamourous, but there's something for everyone when it comes to soaking up that bitch.
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Hope Bullen 

What sanitary product suits you and your period? Periods are personal, and that’s why we’re here to help.

 

I’m pretty sure most women can agree on at least one thing. Periods are the bane of our lives, am I right, or am I right? We organise our schedules around them as if we were in a committed relationship. When we know, this relationship is going to last for what feels interminable. It’s a love hate kind of bond. That red blob tells us whether we’re healthy, pregnant etc., but also guarantees a good 3-5 days of torture, and that’s for the lucky fucks. Oh, and don’t even talk to me about the amount of undies that have waved the white flag to the crimson tide.

 

I remember my first step towards womanhood. I had just woken up on a school day, pissing away contently. Until I went to flush. I wanted to deny that it was happening, but you can hardly spend the day constantly nipping to the loo to stuff some toilet roll down there (unless you’re out of tampons and there’s no way you’re going to get some any time soon, preach it sister, we know your’ pain). So I screeched out to my nan, and surprisingly she was as cool and collected as you can be when an 11-year-old is shitting themselves over their bleeding vagina.

 

10 years on, and I’d like to say I’ve come a long way since then. I no longer (hardly) cry when that time of the month comes. I overcome the urges to bludgeon my boyfriend to death if he refuses to get a take away with me when I’m feeling low. One thing that still puzzles me, is what I should use when the painters inevitably decide to barge their way in, wankers. So, here I have conducted a list of popular options with their pros and cons, to help you gals choose what’s most convenient and fabulous for you.

 

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These are just three different methods you can try during your period. What works for some, might not work for you. Do your’ research and you’ll get on just fine.

The good ol’ sanitary towel. It’s basically a small nappy that fits into your knickers with wings. You can’t go too wrong with this one, it’s simple and quick to use. However, with my experience spillage can happen more easily than other methods. It also looks and feels kind of like a nappy, so I tend to steer clear. Saying that, I still have a fair number of friends who use them.

Pros -

  • If you piss yourself, it can actually double up as a nappy. I’m not judging anyone here.  

  • Comes in different sizes, to adapt to everyone’s flow, as well as length. God made us all unique.

  • There are also different brands, so there’s bound to be one out there for you.

  • Simple and quick to use.

  • Fewer health risks in comparison to the tampon.

  • Easier to use straight away than tampons.

  • You can monitor your flow more easily (because you can check out what’s going on down there)

 

Cons-

  • Can get a bit stanky.

  • Aren’t as reliable as other methods (spillage is most certainly not lickage in this circumstance)

  • Can’t swim with pads, unless you want your’ vajajay to turn into an inappropriate floatation device.

  • Can show through clothing.

  • Pads can cause infections.

  • Massive front wedgies.

The Pad

A tampon is a device to be used internally during your period. I wish they weren’t my best friend for mother nature’s gift, but they are. I use them because they’re handy (fit well in my purse and are discreet), and I hardly ever get leakage.

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Pros-

  • You wouldn’t be able to tell someone’s wearing one without asking (and asking is just plain weird so please don’t).

  • If put in correctly, neither will you. Comfy af.

  • Holds more blood.

  • Fits in your purse like a dream.

  • No smelly stuff.

  • Ya’ll can swim with on in.

  • Not messy.

Cons-

  • It has been known people forget they’re in there, so accidentally forget to take them out. Which can lead to…

  • Toxic Shock Syndrome, a potentially fatal condition which will release poisonous substances into your body.

  • May increase flow and cramps (what?!)

  • Increased risk of vaginal infections (and can’t be worn if you have an infection)

  • At first, can be uncomfortable to insert.

  •  If you sleep over 8 hours, you shouldn’t wear one to bed because of infections. 

The Tampon 

The menstrual cup is the newest playmate for periods. It’s a flexible cup that is put inside your V, and collects the blood as you menstruate. This is something I would love to use, but to be completely honest, it scares the shit out of me. It’s seen as the healthiest, most cost effective way to period, but there’s just something about it that makes me want to run for the hills.

 

Pros-

  • Reusable. (bye bye tampon and pad tax ya lil bellends!)

  • You’ll be saving the environment.

  • Can be worn for 12 hours, depending on your’ flow.

  • Should be easy to insert for tampon wearers.

  • Safer to use.

Cons-

  • Messy. You have to empty the cup, and in a public place this can be difficult (I’ve heard stories of people who have accidentally spilled it everywhere in a public cubicle)

  • Insertion can be scary and hard for some.

  • Cups don’t fit right for all.

  • Removing them can be hard at first.

  • Maintaining the cleanliness of the cup means it needs to be sterilised with hot water after every cycle.

The Menstrual Cup

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